LE

I have declared today Deal With It Day. I've had all these stupid minor issues around the house that have been bugging me for a while, and today I'm picking them off.

I'm loving my little communicative boy. He put his head down on my shoulder, and I asked him, Are you sleepy? Yeah. Do you want to go lie down? Yeah. And now he's asleep! Amazing! He's also saying thanks now, consistently.

Trying to get this place organized to start all over again with the selling process. Also, to make it as livable and comfortable in the meantime as I can. Especially the back porch, which has been full of yard stuff so we haven't been able to comfortably eat out there. Which we should be doing.

We know how to make small boys into hard men.
This is the voice that speaks the opposite flow.

This river gets wider further upstream.
What flows through the mouth is just a trickle.

some books we're glad to set aside when we're done
some books we can't even make it through once
and sit yellowing on the shelf
until they fall brittle apart
some books we read again and again, finding new meaning in each passage
You're one of those
with your well-thumbed cover
your dog-eared coffee-stained pages
hanging loose from a cracking spine.
You are a children's bedtime story God read himself every night for years.

Hello lovely people,

I am heading down from MA to Nashville, TN for the Indiegrrl conference at the end of August. (http://www.indiegrrl.com/2009%20Indiegrrl%20Conference/2009conference.html) If I drive, I need at least a couple of gigs on the way down and/or back. If you can host a house concert, (or know someone who might like to) or are a musician/promoter with a show that could use an opener/split bill, I'd love to hear about it ASAP. If you are not familiar with my music, I call it "folk n' word" - progressive, conscious music & poetry, often funny, sometimes poignant, always a good time. fmi see http://www.myspace.com/arjunagreist, http://www.cdbaby.com/aruna or http://www.sonicbids.com/arjunagreist

( help a folkie out )

I meant my current car to be "temporary", then four and a half years passed. It's time: I'm not about to move, or change jobs, or spend half the summer away from home, or work on a big campaign in the next few months, so I can do stuff like find a car. What should I look at?

Whatever I get, I want to keep for a long time. At least 200k miles, maybe 300k or more. New or used is okay. I don't plan to resell for a long time.

It needs to basically work, and stay reliable as long as I maintain it regularly and fix things as soon as I know they need fixing.

I don't care if it looks cool or feels great to drive or any of those things, just reasonable.

I do want to be able to get up steep dirt roads in Vermont and the Berkshires and such places in bad weather. That doesn't necessarily mean all wheel drive. My previous car, a Saturn SL2 with front wheel drive and "traction control" (ability to have the two front wheels turn separately) was very good at it. My current car, a Saturn SL1 (less power) with front wheel drive and no traction control, is not good at it. I'd take a front wheel w/traction again.

And I want fuel efficiency, particularly on highways and country roads, which account for the majority of my driving. I've been getting 33-39mpg on those kinds of roads in my current Saturn, though it's not rated that high. I'd like something that good or better.

Edit: I'd also like to have as much space as a Saturn SL2/SL1, for people and for stuff. More space would be fine, but not needed. It'd be annoying to have to adjust to a car with less space.

Suggestions?

I have a Maclaren Triumph, and I love it except Philip can get out of it now. It buckles around his waist, and even on the tightest setting he can wiggle out. I think if it buckled up around his chest he couldn't get out. How could I get a new harness? Do any other Maclaren strollers, or the newer ones, make straps that buckle at the chest? Or anything that would be compatible. Philip got a black eye standing up and falling over in the stroller the other night, and it's just too much stress to not be able to turn around when I'm out. Help?

God, we're so broke. And with the minivan to pay for, we'll probably be broke for a really long time. We've always lived mostly paycheck to paycheck, but lately we're going way over, floating on credit and an overdraft account, and then paying it back immediately with the next paycheck so no interest, but then starting with very little paycheck left. Again and again. I had hoped that this freebie paycheck would give us a buffer, but it went so fast, we've been way overdrawn for most of the week already. And don't get another check till Friday.

And now we've bought this oven on credit, and I think it's going to have to come out of our pathetic little savings so we don't get hit with the 20something% interest rate.

We're using a ton more money on gas--it costs well over $50 to fill up the minivan tank, and we've been driving SO FUCKING MUCH with Jake home, so I can't even imagine how many hundreds of dollars it adds up to. And hotels, and eating out, and then still lots of grocery shopping. We haven't bought anything fun or frivolous, just being away from home so much.

So after we pay back everything we went over this past week, we should be really close to nothing. I think the only way to dig us out of this is to stay home, not use gas, not eat out at all, and eat up some of the food reserves I have here. After this paycheck I'll finally be done paying for Jake's mixer, so then I can contribute my allowance to something useful.

I've been giving a lot of thought to how I can bring in some income, maybe that etsy shop finally, but it seems not worthwhile if we never can hang onto any money we get anyway. So I want to get to the point that we're not going over every paycheck, and we're putting at least SOMETHING, even $20 in savings every paycheck.

Who knows what money we might make on this house. If any. But any money we would get would go straight to the next house down payment.

Right now we're actually quite stocked up on food. We have plenty of grain for making bread, rice and quinoa and lentils and beans and all that stuff, and spices, and some frozen meats and vegetables. Not a ton, but a fair amount.

The only thing I would theoretically need to buy would be dairy, fresh fruits and vegetables. My problem is that when there's a sale on something, I take advantage and stock up on it, even if it pushes us over. This might be a good strategy, but I just don't know. We're not incurring any interest fees or anything, but somehow it feels wrong to buy things when we have no actual cash.

And I've been thinking the dairy is a problem. We buy butter, milk (mostly for yogurt and baking and cereal once in a while), yogurt when I don't make it, cheese, ice cream, and cream, all on a regular basis. All that stuff makes up a ridiculous portion of the grocery budget. We've gone without dairy for months at a time for various dietary purposes, but lately I can't get myself to go back to that. Coffee without cream? No butter? No yogurt or ice cream??? I have more reasons to give it up than keep eating it for sure, but that doesn't really change things. I should really try harder to find a cheaper local source for dairy. I don't mind making my own yogurt and ice cream, and maybe one day even cheese, but I need a good supply of the milk and cream.

Hopefully the garden will start producing soon (we have a few little zucchinis out there).

I have lots of detergent because that was our big souvenir from Ashley's Park and Vine. Freshly stocked up on toothpaste, can go back to family cloth if we run out of toilet paper, don't need diapers or really anything for the kids. The only toys I've bought for them in months are stashed away for birthdays/Christmas. They have some fall clothes (or Topie, at least) and I've been working on knitting their fall wardrobes. No trips planned. No yarn to buy. Plenty of caffeine and alcohol to last a good long time. So I suppose really, it's not too bad. I could literally not buy a thing for a whole paycheck, catch up, and be back on track. I wonder if that's true. But then, our car insurance payments will resume in a month or two, and then after that the heating bill will take over, and I have no idea how we'll make it then.

It seems crazy. We live in an area way below the national average cost of living. Jake makes more than the average here, by a fair amount. We don't live extravagantly. We cut corners all over the place, then splurge on food or gas or occasionally something for the house--like we just spent maybe $100 for this stairway project. But in the end, I'm wearing clothes that don't fit well and are falling apart, I haven't bought shoes in years, and my only pair of summer shoes has a HOLE IN THE SOLE. And despite all this, we're still always tight.

My mom always tells me I'm so lucky to be with a guy who always has a job and is financially stable. Well, it's not luck. Jake planned this his whole life, always knew he wanted to be able to support a large family on one income, and worked very hard to get it. And as for me, it wasn't a coincidence that that's what I wanted. I could have chosen any number of bums who had very shaky careers or no careers. That was not the number one factor by any means, but only an idiot would say it's not a factor at all. Life is survival. We make beneficial alliances. Jake married someone who is willing to stay home and give a huge amount of herself to his kids. I married someone who proved to me he could make that possible. No coincidences, no luck. It all sounds rather cold and calculated, but really, I think choosing one's LIFE PARTNER is a serious matter, and it can't be denied that in some ways it's a business deal as much as anything else. I honestly don't know what would have happened if I had chanced to fall wildly in love with some great guy who worked in fast food or had a string of bad luck, or whatever. Probably I would have married him and chosen not to have kids. I never imagined I'd have kids anyway, but Jake came along and made me think that if I had kids with anyone ever, it ought to be with him. I still feel that way. I think that all-you-need-is-love crap is really just crap. How about love plus knowing where your next meal is coming from? Does that make me a cold person? There's a reason marriages are arranged in some cultures.

Jake bought this book on listening, that's supposed to be the last word on the subject, written maybe 25 years ago. And we've been reading it and thinking about it, and I've told him that we have got to make this work. We have serious communication issues, and I think that by itself is the root of all our problems. We've both had the same thought that in the grand scheme of things no one has committed any great wrongs: no infidelity, no lying, no half-truths, no secret debts, no abuse, no real drama. The only problem is our day to day business, and not getting each other's messages or intentions clearly enough. We both feel frustrated. Maybe this book will help. But we're totally committed to sticking this out forever. Really, it's just another project.

What a tragedy we have so little vocabulary to accurately describe the smells and tastes of those we love.

or, a recap of my Boston visit

Friday lunch: burrito at Boca Grande

Shopping for presents: chocolate orgasm brownies from Rosie's, chocolates from Burdick's

Friday snack: Belgian chocolate ice cream and Vietnamese iced coffee from Toscanini's

Friday dinner: Mary Chung's

Saturday brunch: dum sim at China Pearl

Saturday snack: cannoli and gelato at Mike's Pastries

Saturday dinner: clam chowder from Legal Sea Food


The places were chosen mostly for nostalgia factor. However, I think I did hit most of the high points. It was nice to see 76trombones, gigglefest, chenoameg, ringrose, ilai, lokiect, capsicumanuum, nuclearpolymer, dcltdw, and ukelele!

I am going to do a co-op for these :   Hair Clips

www.victoriahandmadeusa.com has diffrent hairstyles that you can do.

I found a few diffrent sellers on ebay who sell them for much cheaper than the 12$ per item in the mall. They are awsome, they hold my massive amout of super curly hair up when I bust the thick hairbands.

Tell me what colors you prefer, and I will do my best. Tell me which ones you absolutely cant stand, that way you dont get stuck with something you hate.

Looking at the options the colors seem pretty consistant. I will take as many orders as what people want.


THE COST: 5.25 for the first comb, 4. 65 for each after  this includes shipping,packaging,  and paypal fees (I get charged no matter what). There is no co-op fee, if you are out of the USA let me know so I can get you an accurate shipping cost.
Please put your LJ name in the subject line of our payment.

There is no minimum order set.

Deadline is this Thursday, July 16 for all forms of paypal.

my paypal addy is webmaster (at) industrialpollencount (dot) com

my ebay fedback is here

ETA: If i can get them/ship them for any less I will refund you the diffrence, I am trying to so we get the best deal possible. Im not out to make anything on this, I just want to share the love.

( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

I remember catching fireflies when I was a springtime boy:
two flashes hidden behind grass blades still green from when the sky opened up
like it had never been hurt in all its life
had no cause to feel as blue as it was
unless the sky was a mermaid
wringing her hair dry.
Two flashes on the ground and dozens in the air
Before we knew we were walking through pornography.
The ones on the ground were easy to catch.
But we needed more for our jars to be bright enough to read by
had to snatch them from the air as gentle as we could
before we knew that even soft fingers are too hard sometimes.
You can't touch everything.
Like you can't touch me anymore.
And these soft fingers were too hard
and all these glittering playmates dancing in the air
looked at me like angels
too horrified by the blood glowing green on my hands
to make any accusations.
I tried to tell them I didn't mean it
But I knew that couldn't bring that playmate back to life.
My friends wanted to use the glowing juice for face-paint
but I couldn't stop crying
tears hidden by evening.
They read comic books by the green picklejar lamp
fell asleep without realizing I was a monster among them
until I was the last one awake
just the blink blink blink of my conscience
to keep me company.
I had to let them all go that night
before they died in the jars
I learned that lesson already
and I cried then, too.

My research group has had a paper accepted to the 2009 Scheme Workshop! This will be the first publication that's come out of our work this summer.

As it turns out, it will also be the first academic publication with my name on it. I didn't know until yesterday that I would be listed as an author, and since we already knew the paper had been accepted at that point, I never even had a chance to bite my nails about it. It's hard to imagine a more stress-free first publication experience.

( The work that resulted in this paper actually started well before summer began. )

If you think you've seen this post before, you're right; I apologize for the déjà vu. I had briefly posted a public version of it two days ago, but I'm not yet very good at being what danah boyd once referred to as a "punk-ass public grad student"; I lost my nerve and made that post non-public after I found out that I was on the author list for the paper, because I was embarrassed by how little I'd contributed compared to the other four authors. After all, all I had done was ask a question. But Peter pmb Boothe said something that emboldened me: "Asking the right question is the most valuable skill in research except for the ability to work hard. And it can't be taught. So they are doing the right thing." Thanks, Peter!

I ate a poppy seed bagel before bed last night
and went to sleep without brushing my teeth
hoping flowers will grow out between them
before dawn comes
and the sun cuts them all down again

When I woke up just now
I had to dig up their roots
clawing the back of my head away from my pillow

I will admit it now. I am really bad at doing this letting the whole world knowing what I'm doing online thing. I was bored one day and decided to try to get back into posting thoughts, ideas, etc. and realized that I have not done any type of communication for about 4 years. Wow, I have no idea what to say about that. I tried the myspace site but to no luck. Again did not keep up on that. Well lets see where I need to start for those of you that I have not talked to in a while.

I moved here to Illinois in Feb of 2005 and have been here since. I now have a wonderful man in my life. His name is Ryan. We live together in our House (which we bought in Dec of this past year). He is a dork. I love him but he is a dork. DnD fanatic, Star Wars geek, an all around dweeb. We met 3 years ago, in a comic book shop. Yes, a COMIC book shop ( I know I'm a dork too). We are now engaged (as of July 4th of 2008). We probably celebrated too much because Macen Vince Peot was born 10 months later.

Yes people I am now a mom. He is a beautiful 5 week old baby boy that I love and cherish very much.

Hopefully I can keep up with this. I give no promises. Just hope that I can. See you around.

( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/07/02/Agave-A-Triumph-of-Marketing-over-Truth.aspx

Today I went to Ithaca with Jenna, and we had some interesting conversations on the drive. The most interesting thing was this, that I realized is such an issue in my life that it's worth writing out.

It seems like these days people are discouraged from having standards. People who do have preferences for things are called picky or difficult, hard to shop for, impossible. But I think that cultivating true appreciation for good quality things has the potential to greatly increase one's experience of life. You hear about "wine snobs" and connoisseurs of various things, but often they are portrayed as snooty or not typical. Think of Frasier.

Jake and I are connoisseurs of all kinds of things. Chocolate, wine, coffee, pretty much all foods. We appreciate and seek out quality and craftsmanship, people who take pride in their work, and things made by people who are the best in their field, who really care about what they do. Their effort really comes through, and is worth the added effort of seeking it out, and worth the expense. But not everything that is the best is necessarily more expensive. Usually, though, it's more expensive in terms of time and thought put into it. We enjoy seeking out obscure things made by true artisans. And we get so much pleasure from the most simple things, partially because of the thrill of the hunt and the satisfaction of discovery, partially because the quality is so exceptional that it's impossible not to genuinely enjoy it.

So we have a reputation for being picky and food snobs, and everything snobs, really. We read lots of reviews for everything we order online. We want to find things with the best reputation. Well. The best within our means.

For us, the more care is put into a thing, the more satisfaction and enjoyment we seem to get out of it. We are surrounded by quality tools for all our hobbies and chores. They are a pleasure to use. My spinning wheel, for example, is a work of art. Jake's grain grinder is too. We appreciate the aesthetic of our tools. Frequently, we get to meet the artist or craftsman responsible for the things we buy. This adds such a personal element to the item, and increases our appreciation and respect for it.

But when I think about the food industry, and in fact everything that is mass produced, every system that we are surrounded by, I feel like we are being told from all sides to just shut up and take whatever we happen to get, and not think about it. It's the same with birth, medical care, food, service, all the crap we buy at Target or even Saks Fifth Avenue. We're not encouraged to seek out more than what is readily available, piled up for our convenience, ready to fall apart right on schedule so we can spend more money replacing it.

We've found ourselves on a many a wild goose chase for random things, just to avoid that mass produced stuff, and discover the cream of the crop. Of course, we do buy a lot of whatever-happens-to-be-there stuff, but that's just because in the end it gets exhausting considering going to Japan for the best rice cooker (seriously).

I suppose it's as much a hobby for us as anything. Before we had kids, we would set these little scavenger hunts for ourselves and take off in search, finding ourselves in unexpected places talking to interesting people about things that are fascinating to only a few people. We haven't done much of that lately, and a lot of our searching now is done online. The thrill is gone, sort of.

But I do resent being looked down upon for having high standards. Or standards at all, really. So many people don't give a thought to what they do or eat or buy, and we get so much enjoyment out of paying attention to those things. Okay, sometimes maybe we get so much stress and frustration too, but when you get it right, it's all worth it.

Still went to slam, but had a chance to appreciate other peoples' performances again.
Company was marvelous.

I have decided that there's no such thing as too much Chinese food.

( A Plan! )